


This is Love

by PatronGoddessOfAngst



Series: Love [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxceit - Freeform, Aromantic Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Aromantic Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Aromantic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Aromantic Logic | Logan Sanders, Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Sanders Sides angst, i swear i didnt even mean to write anxceit it just happened, lamp angst, polysanders angst, queerplatonic, thomas sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-07 11:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21457396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatronGoddessOfAngst/pseuds/PatronGoddessOfAngst
Summary: When a messed up string of events pushes Logan to decide that his queerplatonic feelings for his friends is too much, he and Virgil unintentionally make everything a thousand times worse.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, LAMP - Relationship, Polysanders, Queerplatonic LAMP, Virgil/Deceit, queerplatonic polysanders
Series: Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546810
Comments: 40
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Deceit tries to get Logan on the path to confession, Patton asks a favor of Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay but where’s roman?

“Hey, Lo, are you okay?”

Patton’s voice was soft, gentle, comforting. Logan was tempted to succumb to it, and answer honestly.

Instead, he put on a blank expression. “Yes, of course, Pat. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Patton looked unconvinced, but nodded quickly. “Alrighty then, kiddo. If you ever need to talk, I’m always here for ya.”

Logan felt bad lying to Patton, but he couldn’t very well tell him the truth.

As Patton walked away, Logan heard a chuckle in the shadows.

”What do you want, Deceit?” he asked quietly.

”Oh, it’s not what _I_ want that’s important,” Deceit hummed. “The real question is what do _you_ want?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “To quote my vocab cards: piss off.”

Deceit gasped in mock offense.

”I thought we were having a _moment_, Lolo,” he cooed, reaching for the other side’s hand.

Logan didn’t pull his hand away, though knew what Dee was doing.

”Oh,” Deceit mumbled, feeling Logan’s lies, “oh, you’re in deep now, aren’t you?”

”Figuratively speaking? Shut up.”

Dee smirked and morphed his form. Before Logan could do anything, it was Patton pressing kisses to the back of his neck.

“Oh, Logan, I’ll shut up for you,” he murmured in Patton’s voice, “I’ll do all sorts of stuff for you.”

Logan’s face heated up. “Deceit, I _swear_-”

Dee chuckled. “Fine, fine.”

As he spoke, Logan felt him morphing again.

”Is this better?” Roman’s voice asked sincerely.

Logan paled. ”No, no, no, no...”

Not-Roman’s hands slid around Logan’s waist and spun him around, pulling him close. “God, Logan,” he sighed dreamily, “I’ve dreamt of this moment.”

”Deceit, if you don’t switch back, I _will _tell Thomas you’re harassing me again.”

”Oh come on,” Dee drawled, morphing one more time, “I thought we were having fun.”

The voice and body belonged to Virgil now. He nuzzled into Logan’s shoulder and purred.

“Mm, this is nice, isn’t it, Lolo?”

”_No, _Deceit_._ It’s _not_.”

Dee morphed back to his usual form and traced his finger along Logan’s jaw.

”I suppose you _would_ prefer the real thing, hm?”

Logan flushed and looked away, but didn’t deny it.

”Well then,” said Dee, pushing away from Logan, “the only way that will happen is if you were...”

He scoffed.

”..._honest_ with them.”

With that, he left, and Logan was entirely alone.

_As if I needed a reminder of that._

* * *

“Hey, can I ask you a favor?”

Virgil glanced up from his notebook, where he was drafting a list of things Thomas had done wrong in the past few days. Patton was standing above him, and had taken off his glasses and was rubbing his eyes nervously.

“Yeah,” he agreed slowly. “Yeah, of course, Pat. What’s up?”

“I think something’s wrong with Logan. Can you... keep an eye on him? I feel like... as much as I try, I can’t connect to him like you can. He’s more likely to confide in you.”

Virgil’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, yeah, of course. I’ll keep an eye on him. But, uh, are you sure he doesn’t trust you more?”

Patton frowned uncertainly and Virgil hurried on.

”I mean, he’s known you longer, and you guys kindof hated me until recently- which I don’t blame you for, I was a jerk- it’s just... I feel like- I feel like he would confide in you before he would confide in me.”

Patton shook his head solemnly. “Trust me on this, kiddo.”

Virgil nodded slowly. “Alright, Patton. I‘ll talk to him.”

“Thank you, Virgil.” Patton offered a small smile, and, with that, he left.

As soon as he was gone, Virgil, for some reason, felt... lacking.

_Lacking what?_ he wondered. Then he shook his head. _Nevermind. I’m Anxiety. I’m vague. I’m worried. I’m... gonna go talk to Logan now._

_Maybe he’ll talk some sense into me._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan mistakes Virgil for Deceit, and Unfortunate Events follow.

Logan was drumming his fingers on his desk when Virgil knocked on his door.

”Who is it?” he asked plainly.

”It’s me, Lolo.”

The door opened quickly and Logan pulled Virgil into the room harshly.

”Dee, I told you to piss off,” he muttered.

Virgil paled.

”Logan, it really _is_ me.”

Rolling his eyes, Logan laughed without humor. “Yeah, okay, Dee. We both know you’re the only one that would ever be caught dead visiting my room. What do you want?”

Virgil frowned. “I’m not Deceit!”

”Yeah, okay, sure-”

Logan was cut off by the press of Virgil’s lips against his. He flinched, but didn’t bother trying to pull away. He didn’t kiss back either. Virgil finally pulled away smirking. If Logan had been paying more attention, he might’ve noticed that Virgil’s eyes were glazed over, as if he was in a haze.

It took a moment, but Virgil suddenly snapped out of his trance. _Holy fuck_, he thought, panicking, _why did I just do that?!  
_

He started to apologize, but Logan looked unfazed.

“What do you want, Dee?”

Virgil suddenly realized the position he was in. _If he finds out that it really is me, not Deceit, then I’m _so_ dead. I... I have to pretend to be Deceit. Just long enough to get out of here._

Swallowing his panic, he took a deep breath, straightened his back, and shifted into a more Deceit-like form.

”Oh, that’s not the question we should be asking here, now is it Logan?” purred Virgil.

_This feels so wrong._

Logan rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. _What do _I _want_?”

Virgil smirked. “Yes. What _do_ you want?”

”You’re going to make me say it out loud, aren’t you?”

”Oh, yes I am.”

Logan sighed. Then, with a look of resignation, he sat down on his bed and held his head in his hands.

If Virgil was himself right now, he wouldn’t know what to do. He would panic, and that wouldn’t do either of them any good.

But, like every part of Thomas, Virgil was an actor. Sure, Dee and Roman hogged the spotlight most of the time, but so long as he knew his character, Virgil could pull off a convincing performance.

And he _knew_ Deceit.

Virgil sat next to Logan and ran his hand through his hair, just as Dee had done for him through countless anxiety attacks.

”It’s alright, Logan,” he murmured. “We all lie to people. To our friends. To ourselves. That’s the easy part. The hard part is admitting the truth.”

Logan let out a sob.

”Dee... Dee, dear God, please, I need stronger lies.”

Virgil flinched. No matter how good of an actor he was, he couldn’t take over another side’s job. Besides, this sounded... this sounded _horrible_. What was Logan trying to lie about?

”Dee, are you listening? I need this lie to be so strong that I fool myself. _Permanently_. Is that possible?”

Virgil meant to shake his head, but instead, he found himself nodding. “I can see what I can do,” he said raspily.

_What am I doing?!_

Logan nodded sternly. “What do I have to do from here?”

”Tell the lie to me,” Virgil hissed, his mouth moving of its own accord.

”I- I’m not sure that I can do that.”

Virgil felt himself shifting out of Dee’s form, into three different forms.

_Well this is new._

The first form was Patton. He felt it drape itself over Logan, and he felt Logan go cold.

The second form was Roman. It straddled Logan’s lap and tilted his chin up. Logan made a strangled noise.

The final form... was himself? It joined the other two, hanging off of Logan and pressing kisses to his neck. Logan inhaled sharply

Something in Virgil felt... strangely pleased by this vision. The rest of him felt disturbed.

Logan was clearly experiencing a similar internal conflict.

”Fine! Fine,” he sputtered, “I’ll lie to you Dee. But are you sure it’ll be strong enough?”

Virgil felt his three forms laugh in a discordant harmony.

”Oh, darling,” they said in unison, “it’ll be _plenty_ strong.”

Logan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The three forms merged back into one, and Virgil began to panic. He tried to move his arm, any of his arms, to no avail.

_Am I fucking possessed or something?_ he wondered.

He pushed away the thought. _The problem is not _how_ this is happening. The problem is that this _is_ happening. I’ve got to do something before Logan-_

It was too late, though.

”I’m _not_ hopelessly in love with Patton, Roman, and Virgil,” Logan lied.

Virgil had no time to emotionally process what Logan had just said. His body convulsed and let out a scream as he felt the lie sap his strength.

_God, is this what Dee goes through every time we lie? _he wondered, and, with that, everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee and Virgil get a chance to talk, and Roman finally shows up for this wild ride.

Virgil woke up in a cold sweat.

Deceit stood over him mockingly. ”You fucked up, Virge.”

Virgil ignored him, instead scanning his unfamiliar surroundings. He was laying on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed, and there were two desks side-by-side across the room. Everything was some shade of yellow, purple, or brown, and it made his stomach turn. ”Where _are_ we?”

Dee sighed. “Welcome to our new room.”

“Our  _ what__?!_”

Instead of answering, Dee looked away.

Virgil panicked. _Breathe,_ he told himself. _Breathe._

But he couldn’t.  


Tears streamed uncontrollably down his face and he cursed his weakness.

Dee grabbed his hands. “You’re alright, Virge, it’s alright. I’ll explain everything.”

Virgil pushed him away.

”No. No, no, I’m not- I can’t-”

Bile came up into his throat just thinking about it.

_I can’t be a dark side again._

Deceit seemed to understand.

”Virgil, dear, you’re still not... one of us. You just... well, you and Logan have gotten us into a bit of a predicament.”

_ Logan. _ The memories of the night before came flooding back to Virgil’s mind.

His breathing slowed down.

“Oh _God_. Dee, what happened last night?”

”Well, what do you remember?”

“I... went to go talk to him. To check on him. And he thought I was you. And then...”

He trailed off, feeling his face flush.

Dee raised an eyebrow. “And then...?”

“And then I... kissed him? But it wasn’t me. Well. It was me. But I wasn’t in control. It just... happened. And then I realized what happened and decided to pretend to be you, just long enough to get out of there.”

“The off-chance that you accidentally summoned me with all those lies was quite a risk to take.”

“I- I’m not usually a risk-taker, but it was either that or explain to Logan why I had just _kissed_ him.”

Dee grimaced. “I suppose so. What happened then?”

“I... got into character. Teased him, applied pressure in just the right places to get him to crack open his secrets... but instead he just cracked. Asked- no,  _ demanded _ \- I give him a stronger lie. And I opened my mouth to decline but then... I didn’t. And...”

“And then you and Logan forged a binding lie of delusion,” Dee finished for him.

“We did  _what?!_”

Dee raised his eyebrow. “What, you didn’t think a  normal lie would sap your strength like that, did you?”

“Look, Deece-”

Virgil stopped. He hadn’t called Deceit ‘Deece’ since... well, since before becoming a light side.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue in a low voice.

“-I have no idea what’s going on, but I need to  _ fucking _ know. Cut the bullshit.”

Deceit wore a wistful expression. “Alright, Virge, I’ll answer your questions. But you-”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “But I may not like the answers. I got it .”

“You asked for it.”

* * *

Roman screamed into his pillow.

Why was he like this?

He had seen Logan and Dee in the hall. He had seen Dee shift into him, into Roman, and pull Logan close and...

_ Fuck. _

Roman had Feelings for Logan, but he wasn’t sure what on earth they were.

On one hand, he wanted to be close with him. He wanted to commit to him. He wanted to... well, fine, maybe he wanted to kiss him senseless.

But on the other hand, the idea of ‘romance’ did  _ not _ sound appealing. For Thomas, absolutely, but for Roman?

He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him.

Seeing Not-Roman and Logan like that... it made his heart flutter.

_ If only. _

Roman sighed. _How come my feelings are all messed up? Am I defective?_

The unfortunate thing was, those weird and confusing feelings were  not limited to Logan.

Which made everything even more confusing.

He stood up without thinking.

_I should talk to Logan._


	4. Chapter 4

When Logan opened his eyes, he felt... numb.

_What happened?_

He racked his brain. There was some vague memory of... Deceit?

Ah. He remembered now. Dee had agreed to help him lie to himself.

_But did it work?_

He frowned. How could he tell?

Outside his door, he heard footsteps.

He jumped up and opened the door. Roman leapt back.

”Hey, Logan,” he said, his voice an octave higher than usual, “you scared me. Uh, can I talk to you?”

Logan ignored him. “Roman, can I borrow your room for a minute?”

Roman looked taken aback. “Uh. Yeah. That’s fine. Go ahead.”

”Thank you.”

With that, Logan took off down the hall.

Roman cursed himself.

_I’m such an idiot. I __should’ve known he’s too busy for me. _ _Besides, he would’ve just told me what I should already have realized: __I’m just broken._

_...Maybe I should fix that._

* * *

Logan opened the door to Roman’s room and cleared his throat. The room shifted to match his taste. After all, what was the point of having a room specifically for fantasy if the fantasy didn’t match its fantasizer?

The Imagination was usually just focused daydreams come to life, but for Logan, it was a holographic program accessed by computer login.

He closed the door behind him and sat down at the computer. After he selected a few settings and options, three holograms sprang up to life behind him.

Patton, Roman, and Virgil watched him with intense focus. They all smiled at him; Patton’s was a giddy schoolgirl’s grin, while Roman’s was a dashing flash of pure confidence; Virgil’s was soft and flustered.

Logan followed the three holograms with his eyes, focusing on his internal reactions.

_Those are the sides I used to malfunction over?_ he wondered sourly.

They all had the same face as him. They were all intellectually flawed. They were all _emotional_ beings.

_Why did I ever associate with them for leisure purposes?_

That was all Logan needed to know. He logged out of the computer and the holograms faded away. As he left the room, it shifted back to Roman’s usual preferences.

Logan shook off the icky emotional feeling of the Imagination and walked back to his room.

_Things are better this_ way, he assured himself. I_ am better this way._

* * *

All the way across the mindscape, Patton shuddered in his room.

_Something’s wrong. Something’s very, _very_ wrong._

He scrambled out of the mound of pillows he had buried himself under and fumbled with the doorknob.

It didn’t budge.

_No, no, no, no,_ no, he thought,_ this is all my fault._

”Logan!” he yelled frantically. “Logan, please!”

Something told him Logan couldn’t hear him. Something else told him Logan didn’t care.

Patton figured they were both true enough.

”Roman? Roman, can you hear me? Virgil?”

His calls were getting more panicked, more desparate. “Deceit? Remus?”

His breaths got more and more strained, as if something was crushing his lungs. No, not his lungs. His heart.

”_Anyone?_” he managed to croak.

No one answered- not that he had expected them to.

_I’ll... I’ll be better this_ way, he assured himself, as he succumbed to the pain. _I’ll be better. Things will be better._

With that, he was unconscious.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit explains What the Fuck is Going On.

Virgil sat up and pursed his lips. “Tell me what’s going on, Dee.”

Deceit drew in a deep breath.

”Logan thought that you were me. Normally when Logan is misinformed, someone will correct him, like when he misused word ‘infinitesimal.’ This is because it involves the real world, and a facet of Thomas’ personality has no direct control over the real world.

”However,” he continued, sighing, “each facet of Thomas’ personality _does_ have some control over what goes on in Thomas’ head. So when the side that deals with facts firmly believes something false about the mindscape... weird stuff can happen.

”What I’m saying is, by thinking that you were me, Logan gave you my attributes, my abilities. You even channeled my very essence.”

Virgil’s mouth went dry.

”When you say that I channeled your essence,” he started carefully, “do you mean to say that it was _you_ that kissed Logan, and _you_ that split into three?”

Dee’s jaw dropped.

”I- In a way, I suppose. But, ahem, Virgil, did you say _split into three?_”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Patton, Roman, and... and me. What on earth was that about?”

Deceit mumbled something to himself, then plastered on a fake smile to change the subject. “Oh, yeah, don’t worry about that.”

Not noticing the falseness of Dee’s voice and expression, Virgil moved on. “And... his lie. Did he really say what I remember him saying?”

”I don’t know, Virgil, what do you remember him saying?”

”Uh- well, this is going to be embarrassing if I’m wrong, but did he say something to the effect of that he’s _not_ in love with Patton, Roman, and I?”

Deceit nodded. “That sounds about right.”

”...and he was _lying?_”

”Why do you sound so surprised?”

”I- well, I get why he’d be in love with Patton and Roman, I really do. But... why _me?_”

Deceit frowned. “What do you mean, why you?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You of all people know perfectly well what I mean.”

”_No, I don’t._”

”God, Dee, don’t you remember? You said it yourself! I’m not exactly the lovable type.”

Deceit froze.

”You remember that?” he asked slowly.

Virgil avoided his eyes. “How the actual _fuck_ was I supposed to forget it, Deece?”

Cursing himself, Deceit turned around and paced the room.

”You took that to heart, then, huh?”

”Why shouldn’t I have?” Virgil asked coldly. “It’s true.”

Dee shook his head. “Dear God, Virge,” he muttered. “I had thought you would have realized that I am the _literal embodiment of lying._”

”And I had thought that you would have realized that you were talking to the _literal __embodiment of_ _anxiety_.”

Deceit shook his head sadly. “If I had known that my lies would’ve been taken as truth, I would’ve sewn my mouth shut. God, Virgil, I’d rather eat my own tongue than know that I hurt you like that.”

Virgil frowned. “What, more lies?”

He regretted it as soon as he said it. Deceit looked as if he had been slapped. ”I- of course they’re not lies, Vee.”

”Let’s assume they’re not. Why?”

”Because I love you, dipshit.”

The words slip of our Dee’s mouth before he can catch them.

_Welp._

”You do?” Virgil sounded surprised.

”Of course. You’re one of- I mean. You _were_ one of us.”

”I- about that... Deece, I’m sorry.”

Deceit frowned. ”For what?”

”For leaving you.”

”You weren’t happy as a dark side. I don’t blame you. Especially not if you thought I truly meant what I said when I said... _that_.”

”I’m still sorry.”

Dee smiled softly.

”Yeah, okay.”

It was quiet for a moment. Dee leaned down and, making sure that Virgil could pull away if he wanted, pressed a kiss to the other side’s lips.

Virgil felt his heart flip.

Back when he was a dark side, this would’ve been the greatest moment of his life.

After becoming a light side, this would’ve been the worst and most conflicted moment of his life.

But right now?

Right now, he was somewhere between light and dark. Somewhere ambiguous. Somewhere else. Who needed moral binaries, anyway? Who needed any binaries?

Right now, all he needed was this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidenote but i genuinely did not plan to write anxceit into this it just happened sorry for not tagging it before now hopefully y’all don’t mind a tiny bit of allo romance in this otherwise queerplatonic fic


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a Mess.

Roman didn’t stop cursing himself all the way to Remus’ room.

_I’m an idiot. I don’t deserve someone like Logan. Or Patton. Or Virgil. And they don’t deserve someone like me. _ _I would only bring them down._

He corrected himself. _No, I already only bring them down._  
  
As he approached the door to his twin’s room, he sighed.

Then he knocked.

“Who’s there? Dee, is that you?”

Roman flinched. “No, Remus. It’s me.”

There was a gasp from inside the room. “_Romulus?_ Is that you?”

”Don’t call me that,” Roman said through gritted teeth.

”Oh, fine, fine.”

Taking a deep breath, Roman faked a smile. ”May I come in?”

”Be my guest,” Remus yawned.

Roman quickly stepped in, then turned back to Remus, who was trying to deep throat his own fingers.

_This was a mistake,_ Roman realized, but the door slammed behind with an echoing thud.

_Welp._

* * *

When Patton woke up, he was alone.

He was still leaning against the door, but the door had changed.

In fact, the whole room had changed.

His bed no longer had a mound of pillows on it. The light blue sheets that were once a comfily crumpled mess were now neatly made on his bed. Even the stuffed animals that had been strewn out on the floor were missing.

Patton sighed.

”New me, new room,” he muttered.

_Speaking of which... what happened?_

He retraced his steps. Something had felt wrong, he had run to the door, it didn’t open, he called for... someone.

He tried to remember who, to no avail.

_Whatever. They didn’t come anyway. They must not have cared for me, so I don’t care for them._

“Well. I guess it’s time to introduce myself to them.”

He paused. “Whoever they are.”

As he reached for the doorknob, a shock went through his body. _That’s weird..._

He glanced around the room once more and everything clicked into place.

_This isn’t my room. This is Logic._

* * *

Logan took a deep breath. Strangely enough, he felt good. He felt free. He almost felt... _right._

Good. That meant he could be more efficient- for Thomas, of course.

He sat down at his desk and took out the schedule he had been making. He still needed to organize the time Thomas would spend working on videos, socializing with friends, and eating different meals.

He smiled emotionlessly. Everything was going according to plan, and he _loved_ when everything went according to plan.

* * *

Little did Logan know, everything was _not_ going according to plan.

Nowhere in his plan did he have Virgil and Dee no longer being anxiety and deceit, respectively, but instead being Delusion together.

Nowhere in his plan was Patton locked in a prison, unable to escape or function properly for Thomas.

Nowhere in his plan was Roman seeking help from Remus.

No, none of this was anywhere in his plan.

But he let himself believe it was.


End file.
